Hi All!
I just returned from my trip to Ireland and wanted to share how my flights went. First off, let me say that I did have anxiety on the flights, both to Ireland and on the way home, but I did it. At times it was hard and I was scared, but now I feel extremely proud of myself. This is a very long postIve got a lot to share! At the end of my post Ive listed some tips that worked wonders for me.
I flew British Airways and I cant say enough wonderful things about the crew. They were absolutely fantastic to me. Upon reaching JFK for my outbound flight to Ireland, I was in a state of very high anxiety, had tears streaming down my face, wanted to throw up and was shaking like a leaf. All I wanted to do was to go home, and it would have been very easy to have just left the terminal, but I had made a commitment to myself that I was getting on that plane. I used Captain Toms tip of being the author of the situation, rather than the victim. I was authoring this flight, damn it!
At the boarding gate I immediately handed my letter from Captain Tom to one of the flight crew and was escorted to the cockpit to meet the pilots. They were incredibly kind and assured me that our flight was going to be smooth and trouble-free. Keep in mind that I looked a wreckswollen eyes from crying, puffy face, etc.
I was then escorted to a private area in the plane by the head flight attendant, a lovely man named Jeff Palmer, who asked me what my fears were (turbulence), held my hand, listened to me, made me laugh and totally put me at ease. He told me that he had been flying for 27 years, and that if it werent safe he wouldnt have lasted as long as he had. He assured me that he and his crew would check on me regularly throughout the flight and if there was anything I needed to just ask.
I was then escorted to my seat and Jeff introduced me to the flight attendants and informed them that I was a fearful flyer. They all assured me that I had nothing to worry about and that everything would be o.k. After settling in for a few minutes, a flight attendant came over and told me that she would like to move me and my traveling companions, (my two cousins) to different seats. We were then ushered up to business class! She said that even though the flight was going to be smooth, the front of the plane generally moved less. We had enormous seats, lots of leg room, private T.V. screens, and pillows and blankets.
By now I had stopped crying and began to practice Captain Toms strengthening exercises, which worked at calming me down. I had also written several tips on a Post-it note and placed it on my arm rest, which really helped.
The captain announced that we would be delayed taking off due to a back up of planes on the runway. We sat there for 2 hours! Those two hours could have been torture for me. Instead, they were just a mere annoyance. We finally took off and it was magical watching New York City below us.
I started to feel a little anxiety as we reached cruising altitude and I found it helpful to just let the tears flow if they needed to. I am a silent sobber, so nobody even noticed I was crying and it did wonders to lessen my anxiety. I kept going over my exercises, breathing deeply, and letting the tears come.
We hit a few patches of very mild turbulence and the thing that helped me the most was to lift my arms off the armrests and my legs off the floor (flying by the seat of your pants as Captain Tom says). It made a tremendous difference and I barely felt any movement of the plane. I also had a glass of water on my tray table which I kept an eye on and noticed that the water was barely moving at all. I found it very helpful to look out of the window during any bumpiness. As I watched the wings of the plane, they were hardly moving an inch.
The flight attendants kept checking on me every 20 to 30 minutes, offering me tea, wine, food, etc., all of which I declined because my stomach was a little knotty. I just kept drinking water which of course made me pee, which meant I used to bathroom frequentlyeven during some bumps. For some reason being in the bathroom made me feel secure and I found that spending several minutes just hanging out in the bathroom made me forget I was on a plane.
The flight was approximately 6-1/2 hours, and it honestly went by very quickly! Before long, we were preparing for descent and below me I saw the beautiful green fields of Ireland. Twenty minutes before we landed, the head flight attendant, my buddy Jeff Palmer, called me up to the galley and handed me a bottle of champagne as a congratulatory gift. He told me how brave I had been and that he thought I did a magnificent job. I thanked him and his crew profusely through my tears for their kindness and compassion. They were truly amazing people.
Fourteen days later, I returned home, again on British Airways, and did exactly as I did upon boarding my first flight. I admit I was crying as I handed in my letter from Captain Tom at the boarding gate, but I was able to once again meet the pilots. They told me that the flight would be smooth and not to worry. I was once again taken to a private area of the plane and had a talk with the head flight attendant, who had been flying for 35 years. He talked to me, listened to me, gave me a hug and assured me that his crew would look after me.
I was introduced to the flight attendants who would be looking after me and they could not have been kinder. Each one of them relayed to me some funny stories about flying and told me that if it were not safe, not one of them would still be doing their job.
I placed my Post-it note with my tips on the back of the seat in front of me, and practiced the strengthening exercises.
Takeoff was fine, and I was relatively calm until a bit of turbulence over Iceland. Immediately a flight attendant came over to me and assured me that it would only last a few minutes. I let some tears roll, did the flying by the seat of your pants technique, watched my glass of water on the tray table and looked out of the window. It only lasted two minutes and really was o.k.!
This time I was actually able to eat on the plane and chowed down some grub and tea. I also listened to my iPod, which I was too nervous to do on my first flight, and watched a little T.V. Between the music and the magnificent view out of the window, I dare say it was almost enjoyable. I even caught a cat nap.
I used the bathroom frequently, (all of that water I was drinking), and used it as an opportunity to gather myself and realized that I was really doing quite well. I also hung around the bathroom area because I could watch the flight attendants in the galley preparing for meal service. (I was the bathroom lurker!) Just watching them go about their business made me very calm. They were laughing and talking amongst themselves and were totally at ease. I was fascinated watching them and could have stood there for hours.
The flight crew kept their promise and checked on me every few minutes. I cried when I had too, letting the tears just roll, but they were not tears of fear. I think they were tears of joy. After years of being tethered to fear, I could feel the chains releasing. The possibility of going other places in the world was no longer an impossible challenge, but an absolute possibility. What an ultimate gift!
The flight back was almost 7 hours but really did not seem that long. I was actually laughing and carrying on conversations during the flight and almost forgot I was 38,000 feet in the air. As we began to descend into New York, we flew over Long Island and over my town. What a rip that was!
During the descent we hit some rocky bumps but they did not even register with me. Do I dare say it was almost fun? I found myself laughing and throwing my hands in the air like you do when you are on a roller coaster. The flight attendant appeared at my seat to make sure I was o.k. during the turbulence and I assured her I was fine. Upon landing at JFK I felt like I was going to burst. I had just flown two long haul flights. It felt like winning the lottery. Even though I was exhausted, I was absolutely ready to do it again. In fact, as soon as I got home, I began looking at other places I want to visit. After a 7 hour flight, a trip to the Caribbean seems like just a hop!
I know this is a very long post and if you are still with me, I want all of you to know that you can absolutely do it. If I can do it, trust meyou can do it. I promise.
It is o.k. to be scared, to weep, to feel nauseous, and to pee a lot. The SOAR program does workIm proof.
If I could offer some advice it would be:
-Practice your SOAR exercises until they are second nature.
-Have a phone session with Captain Tom if you need it. You are worth the investment.
-Dont be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help from the flight crew. It is absolutely o.k. to be vulnerable and does not make you less of a person.
-The pilots and flight crew are professionals and truly capable people. Talk to them and ask them to tell you some of their flying tales. I bet you will be laughing!
-It is o.k. to cry. You are not weak if you cry. It releases tension. Carry tissues and blow your nose with abandon. Snot is good.
-There is plenty of air on the plane. You will not suffocate.
-Use the air vent over your head to blow cool air on your face.
-It is o.k. to be nauseous. That is why there are barf bags on the plane. I brought my own bags just in case and did not need them, but they made me feel safe just knowing they were there if I had to use them.
-Sit by the window and actually look out of it. The perception of what your body feels and what is actually going on outside can be two completely different things. Bumps might feel big but looking out the window gives you a dose of reality. They are not big at all.
-If available, watch the program on the plane that shows you where you are in your journey and how close you are to your destination.
-Use the fly by the seat of your pants technique during bumps. This really works.
-Planes are happiest when flying. Keep this on your Post-it note. Visualize the plane laughing as it flies. It is having a ball. Sound weird? Maybe, but a happy plane is a good plane in my book.
-Keep a cup of water on your tray table and watch how little the water actually moves.
-Seatbelt signs do not mean danger. Put this on your Post-it note and keep reading it.
-Know that the plane is a giant glider and it will not and can not fall out of the sky.
-Use the bathroom as your sanctuary. It can impart a sense of safety.
-Anxiety and panic always passes. You will not run screaming down the aisles of the plane.
-You are stronger and more capable than you realize.
-Stop the what if thinking and change it to so what. If the captain announces some turbulence ahead, instead of saying What if it is really bad? say So what if there is turbulence. This takes a little practice, but does work. Got some bumps ahead? So what!
-You are not alone in this fear. Know that there are others on the plane who are nervous and anxious too.
-You are not weird, weak or a bad person for being afraid of flying. We all have our issues and this is one issue that can be conquered.
-Dont beat up yourself if you didnt do as well as you had hoped. The fact is that you did it. You got on the plane, you flew, you are safe, and you are in one piece. So what if you shed a few tears, you were shaky or your stomach felt crappy. All of this takes practice and each time it gets a little easier.
I wish for each and every one of you the courage and strength to fly. I feel like I have been given the greatest gift and I am enormously proud of myself. My flights werent perfect, but they certainly were not as bad as I had thought they would be. You can absolutely do it.
Bless you Captain Tom for helping me change from a tethered nomad to a roving nomad.
The world is a big and beautiful place meant for us to explore and enjoy. Get out there and see what you have been missing.
Janet
I just returned from my trip to Ireland and wanted to share how my flights went. First off, let me say that I did have anxiety on the flights, both to Ireland and on the way home, but I did it. At times it was hard and I was scared, but now I feel extremely proud of myself. This is a very long postIve got a lot to share! At the end of my post Ive listed some tips that worked wonders for me.
I flew British Airways and I cant say enough wonderful things about the crew. They were absolutely fantastic to me. Upon reaching JFK for my outbound flight to Ireland, I was in a state of very high anxiety, had tears streaming down my face, wanted to throw up and was shaking like a leaf. All I wanted to do was to go home, and it would have been very easy to have just left the terminal, but I had made a commitment to myself that I was getting on that plane. I used Captain Toms tip of being the author of the situation, rather than the victim. I was authoring this flight, damn it!
At the boarding gate I immediately handed my letter from Captain Tom to one of the flight crew and was escorted to the cockpit to meet the pilots. They were incredibly kind and assured me that our flight was going to be smooth and trouble-free. Keep in mind that I looked a wreckswollen eyes from crying, puffy face, etc.
I was then escorted to a private area in the plane by the head flight attendant, a lovely man named Jeff Palmer, who asked me what my fears were (turbulence), held my hand, listened to me, made me laugh and totally put me at ease. He told me that he had been flying for 27 years, and that if it werent safe he wouldnt have lasted as long as he had. He assured me that he and his crew would check on me regularly throughout the flight and if there was anything I needed to just ask.
I was then escorted to my seat and Jeff introduced me to the flight attendants and informed them that I was a fearful flyer. They all assured me that I had nothing to worry about and that everything would be o.k. After settling in for a few minutes, a flight attendant came over and told me that she would like to move me and my traveling companions, (my two cousins) to different seats. We were then ushered up to business class! She said that even though the flight was going to be smooth, the front of the plane generally moved less. We had enormous seats, lots of leg room, private T.V. screens, and pillows and blankets.
By now I had stopped crying and began to practice Captain Toms strengthening exercises, which worked at calming me down. I had also written several tips on a Post-it note and placed it on my arm rest, which really helped.
The captain announced that we would be delayed taking off due to a back up of planes on the runway. We sat there for 2 hours! Those two hours could have been torture for me. Instead, they were just a mere annoyance. We finally took off and it was magical watching New York City below us.
I started to feel a little anxiety as we reached cruising altitude and I found it helpful to just let the tears flow if they needed to. I am a silent sobber, so nobody even noticed I was crying and it did wonders to lessen my anxiety. I kept going over my exercises, breathing deeply, and letting the tears come.
We hit a few patches of very mild turbulence and the thing that helped me the most was to lift my arms off the armrests and my legs off the floor (flying by the seat of your pants as Captain Tom says). It made a tremendous difference and I barely felt any movement of the plane. I also had a glass of water on my tray table which I kept an eye on and noticed that the water was barely moving at all. I found it very helpful to look out of the window during any bumpiness. As I watched the wings of the plane, they were hardly moving an inch.
The flight attendants kept checking on me every 20 to 30 minutes, offering me tea, wine, food, etc., all of which I declined because my stomach was a little knotty. I just kept drinking water which of course made me pee, which meant I used to bathroom frequentlyeven during some bumps. For some reason being in the bathroom made me feel secure and I found that spending several minutes just hanging out in the bathroom made me forget I was on a plane.
The flight was approximately 6-1/2 hours, and it honestly went by very quickly! Before long, we were preparing for descent and below me I saw the beautiful green fields of Ireland. Twenty minutes before we landed, the head flight attendant, my buddy Jeff Palmer, called me up to the galley and handed me a bottle of champagne as a congratulatory gift. He told me how brave I had been and that he thought I did a magnificent job. I thanked him and his crew profusely through my tears for their kindness and compassion. They were truly amazing people.
Fourteen days later, I returned home, again on British Airways, and did exactly as I did upon boarding my first flight. I admit I was crying as I handed in my letter from Captain Tom at the boarding gate, but I was able to once again meet the pilots. They told me that the flight would be smooth and not to worry. I was once again taken to a private area of the plane and had a talk with the head flight attendant, who had been flying for 35 years. He talked to me, listened to me, gave me a hug and assured me that his crew would look after me.
I was introduced to the flight attendants who would be looking after me and they could not have been kinder. Each one of them relayed to me some funny stories about flying and told me that if it were not safe, not one of them would still be doing their job.
I placed my Post-it note with my tips on the back of the seat in front of me, and practiced the strengthening exercises.
Takeoff was fine, and I was relatively calm until a bit of turbulence over Iceland. Immediately a flight attendant came over to me and assured me that it would only last a few minutes. I let some tears roll, did the flying by the seat of your pants technique, watched my glass of water on the tray table and looked out of the window. It only lasted two minutes and really was o.k.!
This time I was actually able to eat on the plane and chowed down some grub and tea. I also listened to my iPod, which I was too nervous to do on my first flight, and watched a little T.V. Between the music and the magnificent view out of the window, I dare say it was almost enjoyable. I even caught a cat nap.
I used the bathroom frequently, (all of that water I was drinking), and used it as an opportunity to gather myself and realized that I was really doing quite well. I also hung around the bathroom area because I could watch the flight attendants in the galley preparing for meal service. (I was the bathroom lurker!) Just watching them go about their business made me very calm. They were laughing and talking amongst themselves and were totally at ease. I was fascinated watching them and could have stood there for hours.
The flight crew kept their promise and checked on me every few minutes. I cried when I had too, letting the tears just roll, but they were not tears of fear. I think they were tears of joy. After years of being tethered to fear, I could feel the chains releasing. The possibility of going other places in the world was no longer an impossible challenge, but an absolute possibility. What an ultimate gift!
The flight back was almost 7 hours but really did not seem that long. I was actually laughing and carrying on conversations during the flight and almost forgot I was 38,000 feet in the air. As we began to descend into New York, we flew over Long Island and over my town. What a rip that was!
During the descent we hit some rocky bumps but they did not even register with me. Do I dare say it was almost fun? I found myself laughing and throwing my hands in the air like you do when you are on a roller coaster. The flight attendant appeared at my seat to make sure I was o.k. during the turbulence and I assured her I was fine. Upon landing at JFK I felt like I was going to burst. I had just flown two long haul flights. It felt like winning the lottery. Even though I was exhausted, I was absolutely ready to do it again. In fact, as soon as I got home, I began looking at other places I want to visit. After a 7 hour flight, a trip to the Caribbean seems like just a hop!
I know this is a very long post and if you are still with me, I want all of you to know that you can absolutely do it. If I can do it, trust meyou can do it. I promise.
It is o.k. to be scared, to weep, to feel nauseous, and to pee a lot. The SOAR program does workIm proof.
If I could offer some advice it would be:
-Practice your SOAR exercises until they are second nature.
-Have a phone session with Captain Tom if you need it. You are worth the investment.
-Dont be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help from the flight crew. It is absolutely o.k. to be vulnerable and does not make you less of a person.
-The pilots and flight crew are professionals and truly capable people. Talk to them and ask them to tell you some of their flying tales. I bet you will be laughing!
-It is o.k. to cry. You are not weak if you cry. It releases tension. Carry tissues and blow your nose with abandon. Snot is good.
-There is plenty of air on the plane. You will not suffocate.
-Use the air vent over your head to blow cool air on your face.
-It is o.k. to be nauseous. That is why there are barf bags on the plane. I brought my own bags just in case and did not need them, but they made me feel safe just knowing they were there if I had to use them.
-Sit by the window and actually look out of it. The perception of what your body feels and what is actually going on outside can be two completely different things. Bumps might feel big but looking out the window gives you a dose of reality. They are not big at all.
-If available, watch the program on the plane that shows you where you are in your journey and how close you are to your destination.
-Use the fly by the seat of your pants technique during bumps. This really works.
-Planes are happiest when flying. Keep this on your Post-it note. Visualize the plane laughing as it flies. It is having a ball. Sound weird? Maybe, but a happy plane is a good plane in my book.
-Keep a cup of water on your tray table and watch how little the water actually moves.
-Seatbelt signs do not mean danger. Put this on your Post-it note and keep reading it.
-Know that the plane is a giant glider and it will not and can not fall out of the sky.
-Use the bathroom as your sanctuary. It can impart a sense of safety.
-Anxiety and panic always passes. You will not run screaming down the aisles of the plane.
-You are stronger and more capable than you realize.
-Stop the what if thinking and change it to so what. If the captain announces some turbulence ahead, instead of saying What if it is really bad? say So what if there is turbulence. This takes a little practice, but does work. Got some bumps ahead? So what!
-You are not alone in this fear. Know that there are others on the plane who are nervous and anxious too.
-You are not weird, weak or a bad person for being afraid of flying. We all have our issues and this is one issue that can be conquered.
-Dont beat up yourself if you didnt do as well as you had hoped. The fact is that you did it. You got on the plane, you flew, you are safe, and you are in one piece. So what if you shed a few tears, you were shaky or your stomach felt crappy. All of this takes practice and each time it gets a little easier.
I wish for each and every one of you the courage and strength to fly. I feel like I have been given the greatest gift and I am enormously proud of myself. My flights werent perfect, but they certainly were not as bad as I had thought they would be. You can absolutely do it.
Bless you Captain Tom for helping me change from a tethered nomad to a roving nomad.
The world is a big and beautiful place meant for us to explore and enjoy. Get out there and see what you have been missing.
Janet
