I just joined Soar and having been trying to watch the videos over the last day. But I have two young children and my husband is out of town, so it has been
difficult to practice the exercises. He is coming home from Portland OR on the red eye tonight and we are suppose to leave out of Baltimore for Burlington VT
on Sunday morning. I haven't flown in a year, but my husband has been flying every week over the last year for work. You would think that would bring me
comfort, but I have been letting myself feel so relieved every time I drop him off at the airport that I don't have to go. Needless to say it has built up
my anxiety about flying a great deal. Anyway, I feel like crying. I am being so short tempered with my kids. I have imagined it all going bad down to them
notifying my family and my friends sitting around talking about the last time they saw all of us. I get paralyzed and can't do anything that relates to
something after the trip. I want to give my friend a stroller I am no longer using, but I don't want to drop it off before I leave because she will say she
was the last person to see my alive. I am nervous to even write this because I am afraid it will traumatize everyone on the board if something happens. As you
can see, I am officially crazy. I have started to look into trains and driving, but I know my husband is going to say no. I was actually hoping maybe somebody
would get sick and we couldn't go. I know if I don't fly, I will be depressed that this got the better of me. I want to go to a lot more places, I just
feel like I need more time to practice the SOAR program. We are flying AirTran from BWI to Burlington, I have always been hesitant with that airline because
they bought ValueJet and feel like if you are getting a cheaper fare they must be skimping on something. Could someone please tell me that the route I am going
is short and always turbulence free, thanks. Thanks for listening.
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Upcoming flight and can't get relaxed
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 kcrane |
Upcoming flight and can't get relaxed |
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Posts: 1 (06/19/09 16:23:54) |
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vienna |
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Posts: 6 (06/19/09 17:28:36) |
You're not the only one feeling crazy! I'm leaving for a trip in 12 days, actually it's my wedding that's taking place in Europe, and I am
having very similar thoughts. I'm unable to do the SOAR program, but after my wedding I'm signing up ASAP! I can't give you any information
regarding your route, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone in these thoughts
 I'm getting irritable, major anxiety, and here's a real
crazy thought...I want to forward a picture to my fiance of my dress etc... in case I don't make it. My fiance is a frequent traveller and, yes, you would
think that this somehow would calm our fears. I have never experienced such a phobia, as I do flying. I'm shocked in the way it can completely control your
mind. I'm using this forum as a source of support until I am able to do the SOAR program Have a safe journey, and I know you will be well.
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esprit12 |
Me, too! | ||
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Posts: 89 (06/20/09 07:06:09) |
I know exactly how you all feel. I'm getting very edgy about my flight at 8:00 tonight. Right now we're having thunderstorms and they are
predicting more for this afternoon and evening. I know I have to trust the airlines to make the right decision about taking off but I'm feeling like
crying right now. I'm trying to accept the AA and not fight it - just do 5-4-3-2-1 but its not as easy as I had hoped it would be. I feel like I'm on
a roller coaster ride.
I have done SOAR and I know I'll be fine once we're aloft and on our way but the waiting is very difficult. Hang in there. We'll all be just fine. Pam |
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 Capt Tom Bunn MSW LCSW |
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Posts: 2616 (06/20/09 09:45:17) |
It really is so hard to deal with feelings when what we have done all our lives is keep them at bay by keeping a distance (or even avoiding, totally) from
things physically or psychologically, or controlling things.
The idea of going into a situation where there is no way to get some distance from it - other than by pretending to be elsewhere, or diverting attention to something else - and no way to escape and no way to control . . . all that looks like a crazy thing to do. But it is all because we didn't get enough built in security when we were tiny, and that insecurity stays with us for the rest of our lives, . . . unless in control, unless able to escape, or at least distance. But, we have built security inside you with the Strengthening Exercise. We don't have a way to make it work very well if at all before the flight (so use the 5-4-3-2-1) but - as everyone always says here on this board - it kicks in once you meet the captain and get going. Anticipatory anxiety sucks. It is a lot about giving up control. Once you meet the captain and feel good about him or her being the one in control, then anticipatory anxiety disappears and the security you have built in to protect you emotionally during the flight does kick in. If anyone reading this doesn't know where to find the course that produces these amazing results, go to www.fearofflying.com/relief/ |
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kcrane |
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Posts: 2 (06/20/09 10:30:27) |
Esprit12 - I have been reading the posts lately and joined the chat the other night, so I have been thinking about you. I think we live around the same area,
are you in Northern Virginia, I live in Fredericksburg. I laughed when I read your post about the rings. My little girl keeps asking about heaven lately and
today she asked if we could go there together. I actually asked her if felt that way for some reason, like she saw it in our future, she is 5. After spending
most of the night looking into trains and driving directions, my husband saying no, I guess I am sticking to my plans and flying in the morning. I will be
thinking of you, it looks like the weather is clearing up, I will say a prayer it stays that way for both of us. Have a great time, you are inspiring me, so be
proud even if you want to cry. Vienna - Thanks for your reply. I know it is hard when something is in future, I obsess. Just try to stay in the moment for now,
I know easier said than done. Thanks Capt. Tom wish you could go with me. I will try to work on the exercises and trust that I will be better tomorrow. I may
have to call you.
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esprit12 |
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Posts: 94 (06/20/09 11:19:34) |
hi kcrane,
Yes, I live in the Fairfax area (about 10 miles from D.C.) and you'd think as I live near the seat of the U. S. government nothing would surprise or rattle me! Te he he : ) Right now I'm feeling pretty calm, have decided to wear my engagement rings. My son can buy his own darn rings! I'm glad I can still joke about things. You're right, the weather has cleared somewhat but I also know that afternoon and evening thunder-boomers are nothing unusual. I have to try to trust the pilot and know that if he feels its unsafe he'll say - no go! I know we'll both be just fine. I don't know how long your flight is but I'm going prepared - DVDs of House, Lord of the Rings, three books, all my SOAR CDs, crossword puzzles, etc. If I wasn't so anxious I'd probably have enough stuff to keep me busy from IAD to China! Just hope I can concentrate. I'm already planning a river cruise of the Nile for 2010. I'm a glutton for punishment! As I've said on other posts - life is too short to live in fear if there's something you really want to do. Hang in there. Best wishes, Pam |
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Capt Tom Bunn MSW LCSW |
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Posts: 2617 (06/21/09 11:35:22) |
kcdrane, it concerns me that your daughter is talking about heaven. I used to work at a child guidance clinic, and have found that when early expressions of
distress are brought to a therapist, it can be dealt with rather quickly versus years as an adult.
Two things. First, the concern she has that lead to talk about heaven. Even though that might seem attractive from a religious point of view, anxiety that leads to that simply shows she is dealing with FAR too much anxiety. At some time, this is going to bite you. When she is a teenager, this anxiety will become even more of a problem, and her way to deal with it could easily be "self-medication" in the form of anorexia, cutting, alcohol, sex, or drugs - all ways kids behave to cover up anxiety. Second, the idea that she wants to make sure you and she are in the same place. She should have separated and individuated from you two years ago. Yet, this indicates she does not see how she can exist without you. Not good, though - again - it may seem heartwarming to a parent, it is a red flag to a therapist. Either of these two things would mean she needs a therapist. The two together, more so. There is even a third. When you consider your own difficult with regulating feelings, it suggests that you may not have had enough expertise in good ways to regulate feelings to pass it on to her. I always worry about this third issue with clients about their children. Once in a while, somehow, a fear of flying mother does produce an emotionally secure child, but generally that is a miracle when it happens. Some therapy for a child at this point can really pay off and prevent heartbreak later. If you want to talk about this, please call. 800 332-7359. |
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Note from Capt. Tom I know everyone worries about weather, but pilots really do not worry about it. We simply - instead of worrying about it - completely prepare for it. Before going to the plane, we review the weather at the destination. If it is not 100% sure to be within legal limits when we arrive at the destination, we must specify an alternate airport in our planning documents, and load on plenty of fuel for going to the destination airport, and then if need be, diverting to the alternate airport. The legal limits are conservative. Even when weather is slightly outside the legal limits, any airline pilot could still land safely. You can rely on the captain never to land when the weather is not legal, and legality limits are reached prior to safety limits. If you are still anxious, call me and we can talk it over. I'm at 877 332-7359 from 10 AM until 7 PM Eastern time. For effective help, even if you are flying in a day or two, sign up now at www.fearofflying.com/fasttrack and call me when you finish Clip 9 so I can make sure you are all set. |
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Using Weather Information If you enter your ZIP Code or City at the top of the weather presentation, it will give you weather for your area. Or, you can enter your destination ZIP Code or City.
Click on the "LOCAL RADAR" button to see whether or not there are thunder- Turbulence, though it may cause anxiety, does not mean anything is wrong. Turbulence does not mean danger. The plane can handle far more turbulence than Mother Nature can dish out. Though flying in turbulence is safe, it doesn't feel safe. And here is where the SOAR programs come in. We can help you feel as safe when you fly as you actually are. You can see these programs at www.fearofflying.com/store. |
