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Irrational fears and self-soothing for babies

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OneAnt	Irrational fears and self-soothing for babies	Lead	[-]
Posts: 889 (09/24/09 21:47:33) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Tags : None Capt Tom- I've read a lot of your posts on self-soothing and the development of babies. My wife and I are expecting a baby in about 9 weeks. Both of us have irrational fears: mine is/was flying, and hers is needles. She's a fainter. I had to see it with my own eyes several years ago to believe it; she turns a putrid shade of green, gets cold sweats, and browns out. Much to our, especially her, dismay, she was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes about a week ago. The OBGYN recommendation was a restricted carb diet--we saw a nutrionist--and she has to check her blood 4x daily. More needles!! We've both read a few books on baby stuff, one of which is called The Happiest Baby On The Block. It's primarily about soothing infants in what the author calls the "fourth trimester." Our boy will be flying with me from about a month on--all of our family members live flying distance away, and we plan to take him as we make the rounds. I made an effort to maintain my status with AA for next year so that I can upgrade. I can't imagine a baby in coach. I'm sure the other passengers in First can't imagine me bringing a baby up there with me, but I don't care about them. It's all about our comfort, not theirs. We're curious about soothing later on, in the hope to avoid irrational fears, or at least do everything we can to help him calm himself about any he may develop. Do you have any recommendations for reading material specific to that topic? Also, in your professional experience, do you have any specific recommendations for us as we go forward?
OneAnt		#1	[-]
Posts: 890 (09/25/09 00:59:35) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	I guess I should add that I'll be taking him to the pediatrician instead of my wife, especially when we know he'll get a shot of some kind. I don't want him seeing her get nervous--I want his experience with needles to be nonchalant and easy.
Capt Tom Bunn MSW LCSW		#2	[-]
Posts: 2726 (09/25/09 13:45:41) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	The best info I've come across is based on Allan Schore's research. Take a look at http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200007/raising-baby-what-you-need-know
OneAnt		#3	[-]
Posts: 891 (09/25/09 20:16:20) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Awesome article! Thanks Capt Tom. Any specific recommendations of books by Allan Schore? We read a book by Harvey Karp, MD called The Happiest Baby on the Block. In it he talks about the first 3-4 months being the "Fourth Trimester." Do you have any knowledge of this book? Any thoughts? Sorry to be a bother, but we're trying to do everything possible to give our boy the best emotional chance in the future. Thanks in advance.
Capt Tom Bunn MSW LCSW		#4	[-]
Posts: 2728 (09/26/09 09:19:35) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	I saw him on TV. Sure, it's good for calming. There is, though, a completely different kind of calming that can be built in psychologically.
PrincessVespa		#5	[-]
Posts: 10 (09/29/09 18:57:35) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	New mom here! Congratulations, OneAnt! THBotB is great for those early days when you're just trying to figure out how to deal with the baby's crying. My daughter is 3 1/2 months old and is currently asleep, swaddled, in her swing. I get the impression that Schore's research is tied into a lot of what is gathered up under the label of "attachment" parenting -- which includes, but is not limited to (I'm summarizing here): - breastfeeding - co-sleeping and/or responding quickly when baby cries - "wearing" or simply carrying baby frequently - following baby's lead rather than trying to follow a specific developmental timetable - massaging baby - communicating unconditional love One of the big names in attachment-parenting writing is the Sears family. I will tell you that a friend of mine loaned me two Sears books and I don't love them -- we don't co-sleep, for example, and I think the advice is frequently not helpful for families where the mother has to work. But the approach is very consciously towards attachment and against crying it out. I think Captain Tom has written a lot about how crying it out impairs babies' abilities to self-soothe later on. If I recall correctly, Dr. Karp is also very much in favor of breastfeeding, a little more reserved about co-sleeping. If you don't/can't breastfeed, I think feeding on demand is still recommended above feeding on a schedule. (By the way, if you do breastfeed, your wife can do so immediately after the baby gets his shots to help calm him down.) The way I see it is, I'm trying to make my daughter learn that I love her no matter what -- even if she has to nurse for three hours nonstop or fuss from 6 pm to 1 am inclusive. It seems that some practices are believed to reinforce that lesson and some (such as letting them cry) detract from it. But I think as long as you're consistently communicating that message -- especially at 3 am when you're exhausted -- how you do it is not quite as important.

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