WE travel from LA to Denver. DEnver to ABQ and ABQ back to LA in two weeks. Capt Tom helped me so much many years ago when I was traveling to Hawaii with my
wife. THis was before 9/11. He told me to talk to the pilots and what a difference it made. I am concerned because I have not flown in several years and I am
traveling with my 3 daughters ages 7 and 4 year old twins. They are very excited and I have done my best not to show them that I am scared. Knowing that
talking to the pilots is no linger an option has made me concerned that I will transfer my fear to my children. When traveling with kids, meds and drinking are
just not and option. Thanks
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0 Kudos
Don't want to scare my kids.
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 JSWigan |
Don't want to scare my kids. |
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Posts: 1 (10/30/09 09:16:01) |
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Capt Tom Bunn MSW LCSW |
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Posts: 2744 (10/30/09 10:03:51) |
Hi J.S.
When kids are afraid of something, it is usually an object that can stand away from and look at. They don't want to get closer. But a plane is different. It is something the child is inside. That is very different. They don't usually have trouble with being inside something with that much space. So if they see a parent exhibit fear, it won't compute because they don't see a threatening object. To be afraid of flying, a child would have to do a bit of abstract thinking, that of seeing a plane crash on television and imagine being inside it, and then transfer that to their own flight. That could cause fear, but notice how different that is from being inside a plane and seeing a parent exhibit fear. It seems to me that it would be fine to start leveling with kids that there are always things that you - and they - need to do which you - and they - don't feel like doing. Examples, getting a vaccination or doing homework. And there are they you - and they - want to do which you do anyway. Examples, eating too much candy or staying up too late to get up on time in the morning. As they reach teenage years, they may be better prepared for things they should and should not do if you level with them now that there is something about flying which, for reasons that are not obvious, you don't like. Maybe the kids don't like anchovies or some other food. Who knows why? It is just the way you, and they, are. But that doesn't stop you from doing what you should or not doing what you shouldn't. In other words, feelings are not the trump cart; using the mind is. So why not meet the captain? And take the kids. |
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JSWigan |
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Posts: 2 (10/30/09 10:16:23) |
Thank you so much! I will start to talk to the kids about it. Is it possible to still meet the captain these days? I know my kids would love it. Should I ask
the person at the gate or wait till onboard? Also, what are your feelings on the small Bobardier(sp) 200 planes with 50 or so seats? I am going to schedule a
session with you pre-flight as this e-mail alone has been very helpful. Thank you Capt. Tom.
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Capt Tom Bunn MSW LCSW |
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Posts: 2746 (10/30/09 12:48:33) |
Yes, you can still meet the captain. The key is boarding early so there is time to meet and still get settled without causing a delay. I posted about the CRJ
separately.
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Capn Steve |
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Posts: 639 (10/30/09 17:52:07) |
I'll echo what Capt. Tom says about meeting the Captain before the flight. Yes, it certainly is possible. There has never been any restriction about
meeting crewmembers while the airplane is still on the ground.
Many people have -- somehow -- gotten the idea that it's no longer possible to meet the crew since 9/11. That's never been the case. True, many new security measures have been put into place, ranging from the obviously sensible (reinforced, virtually impenetrable cockpit doors) to the downright silly (restrictions on liquids in carry-on bags, for one -- and frankly, the rest of the world seems to get along just fine without shoe removal). But meeting the Captain can go a long way to alleviate concerns about the flight. That will demonstrate that the Captain -- and F/O for that matter -- are normal humans and not suicidal. They want to get to their destination at least as much as you do. (Perhaps more so, if it's their crew base and they're going home! Or if it's a particularly enjoyable layover city.) And for those who have control issues, meeting the person who actually has control and establishing a relationship, albeit a short-term one, helps greatly. As far as your kids are concerned -- unlike Capt. Tom, I am not a therapist and have never made any systematic studies of parent-child relationships. But it's been my experience (and I AM a parent!) that kids are pretty forgiving of parental weaknesses and foibles, as long as the parent is honest with them. Have a great trip. (I also made a CRJ comment on your other thread.) Cheers. Steve |
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JSWigan |
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Posts: 4 (10/30/09 21:34:18) |
thanks to both of you.
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OneAnt |
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Posts: 901 (10/30/09 21:57:50) |
As said, ask to talk to the pilot(s) before boarding. They're always around the gate getting their printouts for the flight. Get there a bit early. This
also helps with anxiety...not being stressed about time eases things.
I grew up flying with a dad who's a completely calm flier. Turbulence was a "what? this?!" thing for him. I was fine until about 25 yrs old. We're about to have a child (Nov 26 due date) and I can't wait to get him up in the air with me. He has to meet his last great-grandparent (my grandfather in Phoenix) before it's too late. There are things you can do to help your kids cope, but, in the end, your fear, or lack thereof, isn't the source of theirs. Enjoy the flights. You'll be just fine. 
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Note from Capt. Tom I know everyone worries about weather, but pilots really do not worry about it. We simply - instead of worrying about it - completely prepare for it. Before going to the plane, we review the weather at the destination. If it is not 100% sure to be within legal limits when we arrive at the destination, we must specify an alternate airport in our planning documents, and load on plenty of fuel for going to the destination airport, and then if need be, diverting to the alternate airport. The legal limits are conservative. Even when weather is slightly outside the legal limits, any airline pilot could still land safely. You can rely on the captain never to land when the weather is not legal, and legality limits are reached prior to safety limits. If you are still anxious, call me and we can talk it over. I'm at 877 332-7359 from 10 AM until 7 PM Eastern time. For effective help, even if you are flying in a day or two, sign up now at www.fearofflying.com/fasttrack and call me when you finish Clip 9 so I can make sure you are all set. |
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Using Weather Information If you enter your ZIP Code or City at the top of the weather presentation, it will give you weather for your area. Or, you can enter your destination ZIP Code or City.
Click on the "LOCAL RADAR" button to see whether or not there are thunder- Turbulence, though it may cause anxiety, does not mean anything is wrong. Turbulence does not mean danger. The plane can handle far more turbulence than Mother Nature can dish out. Though flying in turbulence is safe, it doesn't feel safe. And here is where the SOAR programs come in. We can help you feel as safe when you fly as you actually are. You can see these programs at www.fearofflying.com/store. |
