Ok, I had some help from a low dose of medication (which, knowing how Captain Tom feels about it, I didn't even want to admit), but I took my first flight
in 6 years (besides the Cessna I piloted a while back). I had been wanting to do a "test flight" for quite sometime, but the anticipatory anxiety
kept sending me into such frenzies, I never came close. Anyone who was on the conference call Wednesday night knew what bad shape I was in.
I had to go to from Boston to New Jersey this weekend, and my husband and I were going to drive. I kept putting pressure on myself that THIS was the weekend I should try, but the more and more I thought about it, the more anxious I got. I finally had to let go of it and the pressure immediately subsided. Friday night, though, we were tossing the idea around. I took 1/2 a pill which allowed me to think clearly and I was calm enough to book a ticket on Continental using miles. When he called them to change our seats, he asked the seat attendant to make a note in my profile that I was a fearful flyer. The attendant went as far to make suggestions on which side of the plane to be on and added a note that said something along the lines of "Amy is an anxious flyer. Please be as kind and compassionate to her as possible."
I sat with my husband and told him all the things I needed him to do for me. We ran through the strengthening exercise together, with him holding me. I gave him the pre-flight checklists I had and told him what to do if I should go into complete panic mode, how to do the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise, etc. I printed my introduction letter for the crew, gathered my books, puzzles, music, knitting (anything to keep me occupied), packed my clothes, and (this was the hardest part) wrote a letter to my family... you know, just in case. We left a message on his brother's voicemail, just so that someone would know where we were. Other than that, no one knew. I didn't want to risk anyone discouraging me or being disappointed if I decided to back out.
Very early Saturday morning, we got up and gathered our things. I did take a pill (not proud of it), but felt completely lucid. We drove to the airport (was an "out" for me if I needed). I took in all of the sights and sounds of the city. We went through security and found our gate. Being that it was too early, we found a snack for breakfast and waited for the gate agent to arrive. When she got there at 7 am, we went right up to her with the letter, explained that I was an anxious flyer and asked about boarding early (to which she said no problem) and meeting the captain (to which she also agreed, but was slightly hesitant due to not wanting anyone to go to the cockpit). She told me that I could try to catch the captain on his way in, but she would try to arrange it somehow. We saw the captain board the plane, but he looked determined to start his duties. We did grab a flight attendant and asked her about meeting the captain. Her response? "Absolutely!!"
We went back to watching the scene around us, including what was being done to the plane outside. We listened (together) to the "At the Airport" section of the downloads. Before I knew it, a different gate agent came walking right up to us and invited us to board the plane. This was before any announcement was even made, before first class, etc. We gathered our things and walked down the gangway. The captain was, unfortunately, outside the plane checking things out, but the flight attendants greeted me with smiles and introduced me to the co-pilot, Jeff. Jeff was amused by my story about piloting a Cessna and assured me that they would take good care of me and that I had nothing to worry about. They were so kind and comforting and didn't mind my tears. I found my seat and was brought a glass of water. I settled into my seat and took some deep breaths. I jumped a little when they closed the door, but overall, I was calm, cool, and collected. I sent a text message to my mother that said "We'll be in NJ at 9:15 am. Continental Flight 1123. Can you pick us up? I love you very much" and I shut off my phone.
We taxied to the runway and my husband kept my mind occupied with pointing out different planes, markings on the runway, etc. Soon enough, we were speeding down the runway. I held the seat rest in one hand (which I always did even before the fear) and my husband's hand in my other hand and up we went. I listed for familiar noises from the downloads. I thought about the lessons I learned about turbulence, the jet stream, stair-stepping, etc. and told them to my husband (who was shocked that I demonstrated some knowledge of physics). Once airborne, I was able to relax a bit and just enjoyed the beautiful view of a sea of clouds. The flight attendants continually came by to check on me. The co-pilot came on the intercom to provide flight information and ended his comments with "oh, and try to relax." It was probably standard, but it sure felt like he was talking directly to me.
We were given beverage service and started our descent. I was not concerned a bit about the feeling in my stomach as we descended, because I understood exactly what was happening. My husband and I looked out the window as the clouds cleared, noticing familiar landmarks in New Jersey. Suddenly, we were back on the ground, following a very smooth landing (I still held on, but it was well done). The tears flowed - relief, pride, sheer surprise. We let all of the other passengers exit before us. The flight attendants congratulated me and asked me a little about the program (which I was happy to explain). The pilot was waiting for me at the door, apologized for not being there to meet me, and he and the co-pilot beamed at me. I shook their hands, thanked them profusely and exited the plane. The pilot said "Now that the safest part of your travels is over, please hold on to the handrails and look both ways before crossing the street." We all laughed.
I celebrated with a chocolate milkshake and an order of french fries. Yes, it was 9:15 am, but that's what I had chosen as my reward, so I went for it (and it was gooood!) My mother was waiting for us outside with a sign with my name on it and the word "Wow" written below. A beautiful bouquet of flowers accompanied the sign. I shared the whole story with her, then my father when I got to the house, then with my sister and practically everyone I know. I enjoyed beginning the story with "Today I made it from Boston to Jersey in an hour and a half" and letting them do the math. Everyone was so excited, shocked, and proud. I was on cloud 9... literally!
My husband returned to Boston tonight alone because I had to stay until Tuesday. I will be taking the train back because I'm a little nervous about doing it by myself at this point in time. The medicine did help, but I do not plan on relying on it. Now that I know I have the tools, I can feel more confident that I have the strength to get through this. One flight does not mean I'm "cured" but I believe that this flight was the most difficult since it was the first one.
Captain Tom and Lisa, thank you for giving us the knowledge and tools to help us regain control over our thoughts, our feelings, and our lives. I know I still need to do a lot of practice, but for the first time in six years, I have hope.
-Amy
I had to go to from Boston to New Jersey this weekend, and my husband and I were going to drive. I kept putting pressure on myself that THIS was the weekend I should try, but the more and more I thought about it, the more anxious I got. I finally had to let go of it and the pressure immediately subsided. Friday night, though, we were tossing the idea around. I took 1/2 a pill which allowed me to think clearly and I was calm enough to book a ticket on Continental using miles. When he called them to change our seats, he asked the seat attendant to make a note in my profile that I was a fearful flyer. The attendant went as far to make suggestions on which side of the plane to be on and added a note that said something along the lines of "Amy is an anxious flyer. Please be as kind and compassionate to her as possible."
I sat with my husband and told him all the things I needed him to do for me. We ran through the strengthening exercise together, with him holding me. I gave him the pre-flight checklists I had and told him what to do if I should go into complete panic mode, how to do the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise, etc. I printed my introduction letter for the crew, gathered my books, puzzles, music, knitting (anything to keep me occupied), packed my clothes, and (this was the hardest part) wrote a letter to my family... you know, just in case. We left a message on his brother's voicemail, just so that someone would know where we were. Other than that, no one knew. I didn't want to risk anyone discouraging me or being disappointed if I decided to back out.
Very early Saturday morning, we got up and gathered our things. I did take a pill (not proud of it), but felt completely lucid. We drove to the airport (was an "out" for me if I needed). I took in all of the sights and sounds of the city. We went through security and found our gate. Being that it was too early, we found a snack for breakfast and waited for the gate agent to arrive. When she got there at 7 am, we went right up to her with the letter, explained that I was an anxious flyer and asked about boarding early (to which she said no problem) and meeting the captain (to which she also agreed, but was slightly hesitant due to not wanting anyone to go to the cockpit). She told me that I could try to catch the captain on his way in, but she would try to arrange it somehow. We saw the captain board the plane, but he looked determined to start his duties. We did grab a flight attendant and asked her about meeting the captain. Her response? "Absolutely!!"
We went back to watching the scene around us, including what was being done to the plane outside. We listened (together) to the "At the Airport" section of the downloads. Before I knew it, a different gate agent came walking right up to us and invited us to board the plane. This was before any announcement was even made, before first class, etc. We gathered our things and walked down the gangway. The captain was, unfortunately, outside the plane checking things out, but the flight attendants greeted me with smiles and introduced me to the co-pilot, Jeff. Jeff was amused by my story about piloting a Cessna and assured me that they would take good care of me and that I had nothing to worry about. They were so kind and comforting and didn't mind my tears. I found my seat and was brought a glass of water. I settled into my seat and took some deep breaths. I jumped a little when they closed the door, but overall, I was calm, cool, and collected. I sent a text message to my mother that said "We'll be in NJ at 9:15 am. Continental Flight 1123. Can you pick us up? I love you very much" and I shut off my phone.
We taxied to the runway and my husband kept my mind occupied with pointing out different planes, markings on the runway, etc. Soon enough, we were speeding down the runway. I held the seat rest in one hand (which I always did even before the fear) and my husband's hand in my other hand and up we went. I listed for familiar noises from the downloads. I thought about the lessons I learned about turbulence, the jet stream, stair-stepping, etc. and told them to my husband (who was shocked that I demonstrated some knowledge of physics). Once airborne, I was able to relax a bit and just enjoyed the beautiful view of a sea of clouds. The flight attendants continually came by to check on me. The co-pilot came on the intercom to provide flight information and ended his comments with "oh, and try to relax." It was probably standard, but it sure felt like he was talking directly to me.
We were given beverage service and started our descent. I was not concerned a bit about the feeling in my stomach as we descended, because I understood exactly what was happening. My husband and I looked out the window as the clouds cleared, noticing familiar landmarks in New Jersey. Suddenly, we were back on the ground, following a very smooth landing (I still held on, but it was well done). The tears flowed - relief, pride, sheer surprise. We let all of the other passengers exit before us. The flight attendants congratulated me and asked me a little about the program (which I was happy to explain). The pilot was waiting for me at the door, apologized for not being there to meet me, and he and the co-pilot beamed at me. I shook their hands, thanked them profusely and exited the plane. The pilot said "Now that the safest part of your travels is over, please hold on to the handrails and look both ways before crossing the street." We all laughed.
I celebrated with a chocolate milkshake and an order of french fries. Yes, it was 9:15 am, but that's what I had chosen as my reward, so I went for it (and it was gooood!) My mother was waiting for us outside with a sign with my name on it and the word "Wow" written below. A beautiful bouquet of flowers accompanied the sign. I shared the whole story with her, then my father when I got to the house, then with my sister and practically everyone I know. I enjoyed beginning the story with "Today I made it from Boston to Jersey in an hour and a half" and letting them do the math. Everyone was so excited, shocked, and proud. I was on cloud 9... literally!
My husband returned to Boston tonight alone because I had to stay until Tuesday. I will be taking the train back because I'm a little nervous about doing it by myself at this point in time. The medicine did help, but I do not plan on relying on it. Now that I know I have the tools, I can feel more confident that I have the strength to get through this. One flight does not mean I'm "cured" but I believe that this flight was the most difficult since it was the first one.
Captain Tom and Lisa, thank you for giving us the knowledge and tools to help us regain control over our thoughts, our feelings, and our lives. I know I still need to do a lot of practice, but for the first time in six years, I have hope.
-Amy
