I can't get through this... in Fear Of Flying Forum Forum

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I can't get through this...

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cantdoit0201	I can't get through this...	Lead	[-]
Posts: 1 (11/25/10 19:10:51) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Tags : None Hi Everyone, First-time poster here. I've spent most of the day reading the threads on this forum and completely working myself into a panic regarding my upcoming work-related flight to London on Monday. I just can't do this, nor do I want to do it. I'm completely afraid of everything -- the take-off, terrorism (especially the thought of having potentially dangerous cargo ready to blow at any minute right below my feet) and perhaps my biggest fear -- leaving my brother and sister behind if something were to happen to me. I can't bear the thought of it and it makes me want to break down into tears. A confession that I have not told anyone but need to get off my chest -- this job requires me to travel overseas 3-4 times a year and the last two times I've had ruptured ovarian cysts two weeks before my flight. The first time it happened, I was relieved to have a reason to cancel my flight. The second time, the same thing but I can't help feel like a failure that I haven't been able to make these last two flights. Now, with an impending flight on Monday, part of me hopes for another ruptured cyst and I feel absolutely abnormal for feeling that way. This upcoming trip will be a total of two weeks -- one week of work and one week of vacation. I figured if I'm already in Europe, I should take the time to visit my family on the islands of the Azores but this means more flights than the normal Boston-London-Portugal. I'm now looking at a total of 6 flights in 2 weeks and it's enough to have made me physically sick twice in the past 24 hours. I shake, get intense migraines, and then vomit. (Sorry for being so descriptive) I guess what is scaring me the most is the thought of a possible terrorist attack on the flight back to Boston and the thought of flying to the Azores from Lisbon on SATA air (which I know nothing about) is paralyzing me to the point that I want to lie to my employer and make up an excuse about not being able to go. Sigh...I'm seriously considering quitting this job because of this travel...
jenny naomi		#1	[-]
Posts: 40 (11/26/10 06:29:44) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hi, I just wanted to reach out and say that many of us here can relate to what you're going through right now -- scared to the point of being sick and wanting to cancel. I've been there for sure. I also read in your post that you have at least two really good reasons to confront your fear of flying: family abroad and work-related travel. I relate to this a lot -- I'm American, my husband is Spanish, we live in Spain and we have family in both countries. I also travel occasionally for work, usually to the US. (In fact, I just got back from a conference in New Orleans.) I know you don't have long before your trip, but would you consider giving Captain Tom a call and ask about the programs? I'm no saleswoman for SOAR, but I just wanted to let you know that I bought the SOAR course in 2006 (the cheapest one then available because I was still a grad student at the time -- I think it was on mp3) and things began to improve and are still getting better (even with these cargo scares). In 2006 I was sick, literally sick, about losing money on canceled flights, missing a good friend's wedding, and worst of all, letting down family. I really never thought that I would be able to easily go on trans-Atlantic flights alone, and I'm actually at that point now. SOAR is no magic bullet, in the sense that you have to put in the time and the work, but I'm sure that it can really improve things for you. Let us know how things go. I really think that you can do this. Jenny
cantdoit0201		#2	[-]
Posts: 2 (11/26/10 06:49:46) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Oh Jenny, I can't tell you how reassuring your reply is. I'm crying from relief as I type this because it helps to know that someone is there. It's so funny because I understand the fears are not reasonable. For my previous job, I would fly on my own to Mexico and be totally fine. I flew to Paris with my sister just as recently as 2008 and nothing. No anxiety, no anxiousness. I'm talking, not even think twice about it. Then, when I took this current job and had to travel for it the first time, something totally switched. My first trip last year, I was completely hesitant to go, sat in the first-class lounge practically in tears and not able to enjoy the actually experience. I had never been in a first-class lounge and looking back on it, it was just so cool. At the time, I felt like I was suffocating and just wanted to run -- classic fight or flight. It doesn't help that I have had panic attacks in the past and although have not had one in many years, am still petrified of having one on the plane. It's a total control issue for me because I realize that I would actually be comfortable taking flying lessons and knowing what was going on instead of being a passenger on a plane with no idea of what could happen. I know how completely ridiculous that sounds and the logical side of me tells me that but the emotional and imaginative side of (I have a very healthy albeit overactive imagination ) always win out against the logical side. It's so frustrating. I completely relate to you Jenny. I want to travel and I used to be able to get on the plane without a problem even after experiencing some pretty nasty flights but something switched and I can't pinpoint it which makes this even harder because I start thinking "maybe this is a sign to just not do it -- an instinct, if you will." That's how bad it's gotten. I would totally consider giving Cpt. Tom a call and buying the Program. I want to go on this flight on Monday -- I'll be in first-class again and want to be able to enjoy that but at the same time, am completely dreading it. It helps to know I'm not alone.
Capt Tom Bunn MSW LCSW		#3	[-]
Posts: 3303 (11/26/10 07:49:55) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hi, Just read what you are dealing with. And, what you are dealing with is what we deal with. Control issue? Of course. But there just isn't a way to get enough control of the situation for that to control the feelings. There are, at least in theory, two possibilities. One is for you to further develop your ability to think your way through the many things that come rushing to mind when you fly. But that possibility is more in the domain of possibility than practicality; it would take years and years of therapy, and then - still - it might not be enough. the other possibility - the one we get results with reliably is to list those many things that come to mind, and one-by-one, train the brain to NOT react. This reduces the load. There is less for you to deal with. And if we do a really comprehensive job of it, there is nothing to deal with when you actually are on the plane because the preparation work was thorough enough to disarm each and every thing that comes to mind when flying. As jenny naomi said, it takes some work, but the work gives you the results you want. If you want to talk it over first, call me at 800 332-7359. If you are ready to get started, go to http://www.fearofflying.com/relief and get the Complete Relief course (download, online viewing, DVDs to teach you the method used to train your mind to not react to the various challenges of flying) and when you get to video clip 9, we have a phone session to make sure the details are set up just right; the details matter. Having specialized in this for over thirty years both as an airline pilot and licensed therapist, I'm sure I can fix the problem.
stiej		#4	[-]
Posts: 18 (11/27/10 06:14:30) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	I just wanted to post to you as well. I hadnt flown in 17 years. I was convinced the plane was going to crash if I stepped on it. My son won an opportunity to be president of Nickelodeon for the day, so we needed to go to NY and the train would have added 2 days to the trip (and to my husbands taking off for vacation time). So, I researched and ended up buying the full course. Oct 20th, I boarded a 757 for the first time - I got to meet both pilots, go to the cockpit, the flight crew checked on me - not to mention the phone calls with capt tom in the days leading up to the flight. Guess what, I flew! It was a very turbulent flight, but I kept chanting J-E-L-L-O and we landed in LaGuardia fine. Then, on Oct 24th, I flew back. Not a bump in the sky. Was I completely relaxed, well no. But, did I fly? Yes and that is something I said I would never do. Air travel is as about as safe as travel gets. And Capt Tom understands both the mechanics and functionality of the plane as well as the psychology of why we feel like this. Please dont hesitate getting the program and calling him. It has definitely opened up a door for my family. Good luck and take lots of pictures so we can all be jealous of your trip when you get back!
jenny naomi		#5	[-]
Posts: 41 (11/28/10 07:53:30) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hi again, Just wanted to see how you're doing today... I really hope that you do go on your trip tomorrow. For me, and I think for others as well, canceling flights gave me short-term relief but made it quite a bit harder to get on the plane the next time. I relate to a lot of what you wrote as well... my fear of flying started when I moved across the country to start grad school and all of a sudden had to travel by plane regularly to get home and visit family, etc. So immediately when it became obligatory to fly, I got scared -- and it was definitely bound up with control issues too as well as issues related to growing up, separation from my family, etc. My fear of flying peaked in 2006 when I was pregnant, which is apparently really common. That's when I did SOAR because I just couldn't take being scared anymore, and I realized I would miss out on too much -- and my daughter would miss out on too much -- if I couldn't deal with flying. We're cheering for you! Jenny
P38		#6	[-]
Posts: 5 (12/06/10 13:57:46) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	Hi, I recently felt exactally the same way you did, esp about terrorism. I too have had the shakes, the feelings like you just can not do it, like this time is the time something bad will happen. I too have cried with relief from reading or posting on this site. I even erased my fist post where I spelled out all my fears because I got embarresed about it later! (I am a man, who is not supposed to cry or feel vulnerable after all!..lol.) I too have never had a problem in the past and all of a sudden it is like a fear switch turned on and I don't know why. I will tell you that ALL of the dreams, scary news stories, signs, bad feelings and things I thought I saw have all been wrong, EVERY TIME! I use that now, to talk sense into my imagination. I read posts on here, and just writing on here helps. I would say that if you need to call Capt. Tom or buy the program, do not hesitate. He really has this figured out in my opinion. I will probablly always be nervous, but I can deal with it by reminding myself that it is mostly all in my mind. Capt. Tom shows you how to train youself to not react in a negative stessful way...I think that is important. I also realise that my love of eating bacon will get me before a terrorist bomb does, you have to go on living, how to deal with this is a ongoing process but it does work. Good luck, I am sure you are in London as I write this, but just remember for your other flights, you can do it, we have all been there, we are here for you.
fraidyflyer		#7	[-]
Posts: 20 (12/08/10 19:05:04) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts	If there were no terrorists in the world, you would still be having these feelings. The "terrorism" thing is just front of mind because it best represents your lack of control and your fear. Do not screw up your future and quit your job because of anxiety. You can fix this. Many of us have. You are perceiving threats and responding not to reality but to the ups and downs of your mind. Don't give in to it! We human beings are flawed and sometimes nutso. Just because you are feeling something does not make it true. As someone who has benefited from the SOAR program, I really urge you to try it out and make an effort to work on those automatic thoughts in your head. You'll be really surprised how you can make progress. The reality is, it's ALL in your head. Step out of your person -- try meditation perhaps? -- and try to just acknowledge and observe your fears. They are so flimsy. They will fall apart so quickly. You're not alone and you will be OK.

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Note from Capt. Tom

I know everyone worries about weather, but pilots really do not worry about it. We simply - instead of worrying about it - completely prepare for it. Before going to the plane, we review the weather at the destination. If it is not 100% sure to be within legal limits when we arrive at the destination, we must specify an alternate airport in our planning documents, and load on plenty of fuel for going to the destination airport, and then if need be, diverting to the alternate airport.

The legal limits are conservative. Even when weather is slightly outside the legal limits, any airline pilot could still land safely. You can rely on the captain never to land when the weather is not legal, and legality limits are reached prior to safety limits.

If you are still anxious, call me and we can talk it over. I'm at 877 332-7359 from 10 AM until 7 PM Eastern time.

For effective help, even if you are flying in a day or two, sign up now at www.fearofflying.com/fasttrack and call me when you finish Clip 9 so I can make sure you are all set.

Using Weather Information

If you enter your ZIP Code or City at the top of the weather presentation, it will give you weather for your area. Or, you can enter your destination ZIP Code or City.

Click on the "LOCAL RADAR" button to see whether or not there are thunder-
storms. Keep in mind, however, that we can either fly above the storms when cruising or fly through gaps between storms. During landing, we cannot fly above them, but fly through gaps, or through the area of the storms where the turbulence is least.

Turbulence, though it may cause anxiety, does not mean anything is wrong. Turbulence does not mean danger. The plane can handle far more turbulence than Mother Nature can dish out.

Though flying in turbulence is safe, it doesn't feel safe. And here is where the SOAR programs come in. We can help you feel as safe when you fly as you actually are.

You can see these programs at www.fearofflying.com/store.

For questions on aviation or the psychology of aerophobia, click here to e-mail Capt. Tom Bunn, MSW, LCSW.

To contact the SOAR business office (media contacts, brochures, replacement tapes, billing, shipping), click here to e-mail Lisa Hauptner, MS.